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Season of Advent and the coming new year [Dec. 6th, 2009|11:51 pm]
I find myself growing increasingly reflective as the year comes to an end. I think a fair deal of it is because the weather makes you want to get warm and snuggly with a nice book to read or a journal to log in. You wanna sip hot chocolate and not beer. Well, I guess there's always room for beer, but that's another story.

All kidding aside, I think the other part of it is the very idea that the year is ending and we're not sure if we're really wiser or if we've really accomplished anything. We have all these hopes in January, but we find life gets in the way. Before we know it, we're hearing the sleigh bells ring. I know this is true with many other folks because I see this in my live feed over and over.

We feel this way because we have nothing to show for when the year ends. We have a dozen party pictures/social outings/whatchamacallits and have had all these "epic" events happen, but we still feel pretty empty and contemplate on how the next year could be different. I really feel this is the case because we were made for missions. Yes, I realize not everyone reading this is Christian, so I'll quickly address my fellow Christians reading this note:

We're made to be a part of God's redeeming work in the world. We're all, in the body, made to be part of God's ministry of reconciliation. Why is it that you often hear Christians complaining that Christianity is boring? It's because we're made to be part of this adventure, but all we see are the constraints in the faith. We then, therefore, are either pretty bitter and upset because we're not joining in on all the fun we think we could be having, or we live lives that look no different than anyone else (or worse). There becomes nothing remarkable about us and nothing we do distinguishes us. Our hearts are left unchanged.

How do we get the power to change? I think the answer is found as we approach the Advent. We think about who Jesus is, what He came to do, and how He did it. In backwards order: Jesus came as a baby in weakness to offer to mankind the message of reconciliation and gave us a way out of all the idols we make up (family, money, relationships, social status, etc.). He did this so that He becomes Lord of our lives so that we lose the (many) lords of our own.

To everyone reading this, I urge you to take time out to contemplate about your life this past year. Who was it about?
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Dream and subsequent events [Nov. 23rd, 2009|12:38 am]
To make this easy to follow, I'll separate the two dreams and the "real life" happenings.

Dream 1:

In this dream, I'm in front of the TV set watching a program about how a missionary is deliberately put pretty far (walking distance-wise) from a campus where he is put to evangelize. I stop and ask, "wait, why would you do that?"

Then God rouses me big time. I'm told not just to "GO", but to "Go, go, go", and that I will be a walking missionary.

(Quick detour: A story that I heard from a missionary …. About an Indian missionary … very
poor, walking barefoot from village to village preaching the Gospel in his own hardships.
One day he decided to go to a very distant village and it was a long journey. The roads
were rougher than he thought they would be. He got there and his feet were a mess: torn,
blistered, tired … and he went into the village and he preached the Gospel and he was
rejected and scorned. They laughed at him and he, being weary as he was, and as in much
pain as he was, he just went out of town, found a shade tree, lay down and went to sleep.
He woke up later-on, startled to find himself surrounded by the villagers hovering
over him. At first he was frightened and then the Head Man of the village said that they
had come to examine him while he was asleep to see what they could see about him. And
when they saw his feet they concluded he must be a holy man and a loving man and that
they wanted to hear the message that he was willing to suffer so much to bring. -John Piper, Called to Suffer and Rejoice)

He tells me that everything that I am physically doing (weight training and etc.) is to prepare me for missions. It's to get my body strong to endure everything I'll go through. My heart breaks in His presence and I weep and feel a sense of urgency and mission to the very depths of my soul. My soul resounded with Isaiah in saying, "Here am I! Send me!"

I then awake from the dream and pray, "Lord, if this was just a random dream, I disregard it. If this was from You, confirm it."


Dream 2: Carrie and I are watching television. I tell her about the aforementioned dream and how I feel a tremendous sense of mission and all that's on my mind because of it. Superman was on, and he and Lois started kissing. He sees cleavage and is tempted to use his X-Ray vision to peer through her blouse. He passes the blouse and is stopped at her bra and asks the audience, "Should I do it?"

Carrie and I go, "Don't do it, man!" thinking in our heads that he shouldn't use his gift/power for his own self interests. All of a sudden, the entire foundations of the room shake violently with wrath. Satan isn't happy about the mission I want to take. He let us know by causing the entire room to tremble. We get crazy scared and half of me is praying Romans 8 aloud, "What shall separate us from the love of Christ?" but the other half of me wants to retreat because I don't want any harm to the people I care about.

I wake up at 9 AM sharp. I shower and get dressed to go to church for the first time in days (at GCF). Katrina sees me awake and ready to go before she gets ready. She asks me, "Nathan, is something happening? What's wrong with you this morning?" (and later asks, " Did God speak to you in a dream or something?")

Anyhow, the moment I stepped into the sanctuary, I hear Pastor Bill reading a particular passage that brought me to faith and immediately sent me on a mission 6 years ago:

1 Peter 2:9-11

9But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. 10Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy.

11Dear friends, I urge you, as aliens and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your soul. 12Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us.


It was bananas and I sat in one of pews trembling.

Freedom in Christ,

Nathan
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Fuego de Dios [Nov. 2nd, 2009|11:37 pm]
...consumenos.

I feel pretty refreshed from going to Fall Conference with Intervarsity. I hope I'm able to find and use tangible ways on this "high" to keep going. I think this year will be good, especially compared to last year and all the calamities that happened in my life.

I'm starting to pick up the pen and write a bit. Once I get good enough, I'll be into the whole mix of things. This is just practice. A quick update on my life outside of Intervarsity:

-I got a job!
-I found some friends!

Actually, the second one is part of Intervarsity. I guess I just wanted to say that I have a job now. It's something that I've been wanting to do. The only thing is, I heard about the starting pay for part-timers and I'm definitely not excited about that. It's gonna be a grind, man. I pray to have the discipline to save a couple thousand dollars for the summer.

Freedom in Christ again,

Nathan
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From John Piper's status on his Facebook fan page [Oct. 5th, 2009|03:00 pm]
[tunes |Alas and Did My Savior Bleed]

"No man fully understands his own artful dodges to escape the grim shadow of self-knowledge" Joseph Conrad (James 1:24-25).


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Homecoming [Oct. 5th, 2009|03:38 am]
[feeling quite | thoughtful]

...or coming home?

I'm back to LJ for now. I don't know how long it'll last for, but I'll try to definitely stay around.

I recently tore my lateral meniscus trying to do the twister on one of the guys that come around these parts. Not fun at all. I'm trying to get back into the grind when I feel better, but it still feels funny.

Uncertainty is a darned thing. I don't know what's going on and what will happen in the near and far future. Seems like I'm putting on another class for myself next quarter because I lacked discipline for this quarter. I don't know where my life is headed right now. I hope whatever path I'm on, that it's traversed with peace, love, and a whole lot of God.

I went over to Peggy's to hang out. I watched the Kardashian reality show with Peggy and her housemates. I ended up losing about 30 or so IQ points. Damn!

Anyhow, this post will have to suffice, being that it's almost 4AM and I'm still awake. Good night, world.


in Christ,

Nathan
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Missing LJ [Sep. 30th, 2009|12:56 am]
Hey LJers,

I miss you guys. Hope you've all been well!

I'm going to start posting this week. I promise.

-Nathan
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Grabbed this from Helicon's blog [May. 27th, 2009|02:51 am]

A small excerpt from Henri Nouwen’s, In the name of Jesus

 

“But there is more. Ministry is not only a communal experience, it is also a mutual experience. Jesus, speaking about his own shepherding ministry, says, ‘ I am the good shepherd. I know my own and my own know me, just as the Father knows me and I know the Father; and I lay down my life for my sheep’ (John 10:14-15). As Jesus ministers, so he wants us to minister. He wants Peter to feed his sheep and care for them, not as ‘professionals’ who know their clients’ problems and take care of them, but as vulnerable brothers and sisters who know and are known, who care and are cared for, who forgive and are being forgiven, who love and are being loved.

Somehow we have come to believe that good leadership requires a safe distance from those we are called to lead. Medicine, psychiatry, and social work all offer us models in which service; takes place in a one-way direction. Someone serves, someone else is being served, and be sure not to mix up the roles! But how can we lay down our life for those with whom we are not even allowed to enter into a deep personal relationship? Laying down your life means making your own faith and doubt, hope and despair, joy and sadness, courage and fear available to others as ways of getting in touch with the Lord of life.

We are not the healers, we are not the reconcilers, we are not the givers of life. We are sinful, broken, vulnerable people who need as much care as anyone we care for. The mystery of ministry is that we have been chosen to make our own limited and very conditional love the gateway for the unlimited and unconditional love of God.

Therefore, true ministry must be mutual. When the members of a community of faith cannot truly know and love their shepherd, shepherding quickly becomes a subtle way of exercising power over others… The leadership about which Jesus speaks is of a radicaly different kind from the leadership offered by the world. It is a servant leadership…in which the leader is a vulnerable servant who needs the people as much as they need their leader.

From this it is clear that a whole new type of leadership is asked for in the church of tomorrow, a leadership that is not modeled on the power games of the world, but on the servant-leader Jesus, who came to give his life for the salvation of many.”

- Henri Nouwen, In the Name of Jesus, 59-63.

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From John Newton's “Some Blemishes in Christian Character”. [May. 22nd, 2009|12:09 am]
Just grabbed this off Tim Keller's blog. Check this out. This goes to show that though we are naturallly a certain way and have certain gifts, we'll still struggle with certain sin and are deeply in need of God's grace to change us. Do these two exercises and let me know your thoughts/response and I'll do the same in a later post. Thanks!


A. Read the following paraphrase of John Newton’s “Some Blemishes in Christian Character”.

“Austerus” is inflexibly and invariably true to her principles, but there is a harshness in manner that makes her more admired than loved. Her intimate friends know that she is no stranger to humility, but those friends are few. Others think her proud, dogmatic and self-important, with a cynical air.

“Humanus” is generous and benevolent, but if you entrust him with a secret, you put it in possession of the public. Also, though in matters of great importance he has regard for the truth, in the smaller matters of common life, he often exaggerates for effect, or speaks surely when he is not sure, or says that which is very inappropriate for the occasion.

“Prudens” is very thrifty, and though she would not grossly wrong or injure another, yet the things that she will do to save or gain money is to her discredit. She is herself very punctual and conscientious in fulfilling obligations, but is hard, strict, and suspicious in making bargains. Beneath her severity is a heart that worries too much about what could go wrong.

“Volatilis” is sincere in all his promises at the time of making them, but for lack of discipline, he is always in a hurry, always too late, and always has an engagement on his hands with which it is impossible to comply. He accepts with insufficient thought proposals that are incompatible with each other. No one expects him until they see him. He excuses himself chiefly by alleging that the things in which he fails are not of the greatest consequence.

“Cessator” is not (like Prudens) buried in the cares of the world. Rather, she lives as if she had been sent into the world only to read, pray, hear sermons, and to talk to people about Jesus. She does not know that the means of grace were designed to shape and strengthen us for the duties of civil life, career, and society. She thanks God she is not worldly-minded, but this is an excuse for avoiding the hard work and discipline of being a full member of society.

“Curiosus” has a desire of knowing everybody's business, and then enjoys dropping hints about how much he knows. He constantly finds fault in others and thus leads those who know him to be constantly on their guard and to treat him with reserve. If he would notice the cold and evasive answers he so often receives, and the looks that accompany them, he might learn that he is considered a gossip and a critical spirit.

B. Read the following outline of ‘heart idols.’

Idol: COMFORT (Privacy, lack of stress, freedom)

 Price We Will Pay: Reduced productivity
Greatest Nightmare: Stress, demands
Others Often Feel: Hurt
Problem Emotion: Boredom

Idol: APPROVAL (Affirmation, love, relationship)

 Price We Will Pay: Less independence
Greatest Nightmare: Rejection
Others Often Feel: Smothered
Problem Emotion: Cowardice

Idol: CONTROL (Self-discipline, certainty, standards)

 Price We Will Pay: Loneliness; spontaneity
Greatest Nightmare: Uncertainty
Others Often Feel: Condemned
Problem Emotion: Worry

Idol: POWER (Success, winning, influence)

 Price We Will Pay: Burdened; responsibility
Greatest Nightmare: Humiliation
Others Often Feel: Used
Problem Emotion: Anger

Discussion questions:

  1. Which of the heart-idols underlies each character flaw?
  2. Which of Newton’s characters do you resemble? Why?
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An update [Apr. 19th, 2009|01:28 am]
Hey everyone. Hope you haven't forgotten about me.

Guess who I saw today? I saw Kimberly. She looked like she was doing pretty well selling some stuff on the street. She was doing her thing and I had to do mine.

I'm pretty sure no one really wants to know about how my training has been going so I'll be brief. I'm training TWTh at Chabot for wrestling, Mondays and Saturdays for Muay Thai, Wednesdays and Saturdays for BJJ, and weight training when I find time/energy.



I've been pretty drained. I've realized how little I have of everything without God. When you lose closeness with God, however you might interpret that, you find your own resources very shallow and short. It isn't easy to love people, especially people who aren't easily lovable. A friend that I've been trying to minister to somehow. He's pretty cool casually, but he's so broken and messed up inside. He can be an asshole (real talk) and there are days where I feel like punching him. In times like those where I realize how I really don't have it in me to love unless I'm loving Jesus first. That's how it ALWAYS should be. Some people are born to be sweethearts, and I'm definitely not one of them.

I remember when he was going through the deepest and darkest times in his life, and he gave me a big hug instead of the usual "right on, bro!" handshake. Gold.
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posting before i forget: kimberly [Jan. 16th, 2009|12:51 am]
Damn, I've been in quite a slump lately. I think it's because I've been kept to myself and 'done my own thing' lately. It doesn't help that I constantly feel reminded of that incident that so damaged me inside. Shiet, I'm still struggling with the frustration and hurt from it. Anyhow, I wanted to post a story before I forget.

After Jiu-Jitsu, I ran like I usually would to the Bart station to catch the train back home. I run because there's a wealth of people smoking, and I hate second-hand smoke because it really triggers my asthma bad. I also run because it's pretty late and I'm trying to catch a certain train home. On my way, this lady with very little teeth approached me asking me for money. I told her as I was running that I was in a crazy rush to catch the train but had 12 cents in my pocket. She insisted for more. Since I usually don't ever give out money, I asked her if she wanted to eat at this taqueria that she was standing right outside of.

There is a point to this story. I'm not posting because I think I'm such a good person. I'm in fact, a very, very bad person.

She asks me to walk her to McDonald's, which is a few blocks away. I thought to myself, "I'll surely miss the train if I go now!" It's pretty crazy how I've changed to be this selfish. Anyhow, we settled to some convenient store where she could purchase a vitamin water and get some cash back. The store clerk had none of it. Then the woman left and said, "I'm so STUPID!" in frustration and some deep self-pity.

I responded by saying, "Ma'am, you're not stupid!"

And she wept.

It was nuts. She didn't need anyone to affirm her, she just needed someone to tell her that she wasn't what society probably thinks of her. She didn't need anyone to look up to her, she wept because someone didn't look down on her. I thought about how broken she was and I was biting my lips pretty hard to not cry too.

Anyhow, we went to get some food after, and I somehow caught another train that didn't make me get home that late.

There are a few points behind this post: 1. This world is full of broken people. The poor live day to day not knowing whether or not they'll eat, and if/where they'll have a place to rest. 2) People need a sharing of the Gospel in two ways: deed and truth. It isn't enough to love people with words only, but neglect their most basic needs.

3)Do it unto Jesus. From Matthew 25:

42For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.'

44"They also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?'

45"He will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.'
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talk with the pops [Jan. 5th, 2009|10:55 pm]
My dad sat me down to talk to me about my problems. I was especially frustrated today and very grouchy. I don't know why. I got flaked on by a friend, accidentally kneed in the face (twice), and other thangs. Anyhow, I just took it worse today. I was especially upset about the friend who flaked because it happens so often that it ain't even funny.

Anyhow, what came out of my dad's mouth in response to my troubles was something very different than what i wanted, but it was exactly what I needed. I wanted to hear something comforting for my troubles and angst, but instead was told that I was just the same in a different way, and that he continually has forgiven me and will continually forgive me though I mess up. It was as if God was speaking through my dad (probably was the case). I mean, there is some consolation in the "it's okay, don't feel too upset" kind of talk, but it doesn't bring about any real heart change. Realizing that I'm a sinner and no better than anyone who wrongs me, and that I am at the same time very much forgiven humbles me, and makes me want to extend that kind of mercy to any and everyone.

This is just a little glimpse of what it means to follow Jesus and understanding the Gospel for what it really is.

finding freedom in Christ,

Nathan
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the city [Dec. 11th, 2008|03:07 am]
San Francisco is becoming a more and more beautiful place to me. There lies a beautiful mesh of colors and foods, dialects and languages. Marxist Historian Heinz Kreissig said that the early Christians drawn from "urban circles of well-situated artisans, merchants, and members of the liberal professions". Historical analysis also shows that the many of the early Christians were also very educated.

Anyhow, what this says is that Christianity isn't supposed to die down in the cities. In fact, history has shown that Christianity flourishes in the city. It's supposed to. I'm also suggesting that Christianity would flourish like crazy in San Francisco. I think it's why San Franciscans are in San Francisco (to the most part), and would find it in San Francisco. Seriously.

"Any Christianity that dies in the city isn't real Christianity".

-Tim Keller Love for the City


I'm seeing it more and more. God bless Brazilian Jiu-jitsu. lol but seriously, I'm glad I get to be there. Now I just wanna get plugged in.

And I've been realizing that though Fremont definitely isn't urban, it is very diverse. This is it, man!
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incident [Dec. 6th, 2008|02:08 am]
"The Bible is not the record of people following the rules and grabbing a blessing. The Bible is a record of grace breaking into people's lives, usually in the form of suffering, who otherwise would have never been able to overcome their own corruption and brokeness."

- Tim Keller


The incident that happened has opened my eyes wide, and I don't think I would've realized that my understanding of the Gospel hasn't completely changed my heart. Lifetime process, perhaps. However, it made me realize how little I knew it in my heart. Though it sucks like crazy, and couldn't see the purpose of it when it was still fresh, I can see how much it humbles me. Seriously.

Damn.
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(no subject) [Dec. 4th, 2008|03:38 am]
You know, I'm just all worn out. An incident that happened last week has been eating me alive, and I'm desperate right now. I'm going through it deep.

I cried during prayer at the IV Bible study. I'm so blessed, man. They're pretty cool cats, even if smaller in number. Anyhow, I really do hope to see some real sense of vision and mission at the IV here. I'm here to stay (I think)!

Final after final, exam after exam, I really can't wait until it's all done with. December 9th will be such a sweet, sweet day. So will December 13th.

Anyhow, LJers, I want to leave you with a quote about religion and how the Gospel is so different:

"I could never myself believe in God, if it were not for the cross...In the real world of pain, how could one worship a God who was immune to it?"

-John Stott

Hopefully it gives you a sense of vision and some of relief during your tough times.
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phale [Nov. 25th, 2008|03:32 pm]
'Cohort' is a weird word. I don't know why. Sounds funny.

7 page research due in 2 hrs FTL.
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Name Change [Nov. 18th, 2008|09:03 pm]
I've been eating these dried plums for the past few days now, probably because it's extremely accessible and delicious. Anyhow, I then thought, "wait, what's the difference between these and prunes"?

Ah-ha.

I found out that people in the prune industry changed the name from prune to "dried plum", a transition and a transaction that cost them $10 million, because prune has a negative connotation. You know, prune and anything related is for old people who can't poop.

Anyhow, the article was 8 years old, but I'm pretty sure most people we know call them prunes. What a waste of money.

The article is here: http://archives.cnn.com/2000/FOOD/news/09/13/prunes.reut/
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Isaiah 6 [Nov. 17th, 2008|03:04 pm]
I'm listening to a sermon of Tim Keller on Isaiah 6.

I'm only at the sermon reading, and the woman is reading it while crying.

Someone understands it. Seriously.
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galatians 5 [Oct. 23rd, 2008|01:57 am]
"The Spirit and the flesh both lust. Listen to the Spirit"

Tim Keller, How to Change






Dude, I need to change.
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50 km walk [Aug. 25th, 2008|02:24 pm]
Did anyone know about the 50 km walk event in the Olympics? Apparently, they've been doing it for awhile.

Weird. Why not just run the darn thing?
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Last night's mugging [Jul. 30th, 2008|07:18 pm]
Dru and I went to Acapulco Taqueria last night (A Street Burrito place) to catch up and everything. Those burritos are delicious. Better than Chipotle and La Vic's, except La Vic's sauce.

Anyway, we were hanging out at the parking lot while they were closing when 3 dudes approached us. I think Dru and I both knew what was going down and were both prepared for it.

"What time is it?", asked one of the dudes. Basically to ask me so I could look inside my pockets or get distracted to punch me and rob us. I didn't fall for it. Luckily, I had a feeling that could've happened so I put my cell and wallet in my trunk. Dru later on said that he wished I had a watch for that question. Anyway, after answering, the 'ring leader' of the group told us to empty our pockets. We complied. Really, acting rash and violent probably would've gotten us killed.

"Don't make me shoot you!", said the guy with the T-shirt over his head as he was directing Dru to empty his pockets. I saw a thing shaped like a gun pointed towards him. I think two of the guys had guns and were threatening to shoot us if we tried anything stupid. I got scared when I saw the bulge because I felt Dru's life was in immediate danger. Mine too.

They took Dru's keys, cell phone, and wallet. What a hassle, right? He has to change his locks, cancel his cards and cell phone, and get a new Driver's License.

I had to get new keys today, since I've been using a spare.

It was a scary experience, sorta. We took it like gangstas. Just kidding. The police came, got our stuff and the whole routine.




I was very thoughtful after. Here is what I learned from the experience. There are generally 3 ways that you can think after an incident like this:

1. threatened, belittled, and violated, which leads to anger, rage, and vengeance. It makes you lose hope for people today.

2. To appreciate life more. You know, a gun or two at you and your friends does make you reflect a little more, right?

3. This way is kinda interesting because it comes only when a gracious God works in the experience. It's to see the world as a broken and corrupt place that needs guidance and love. Really, these 3 people who robbed us aren't any different than Dru and me. We're all pretty messed up. Coming from a Christian perspective, they need lots of love and people to look up to. Christians cannot be afraid or feel that they should isolate themselves to their own outings (bible studies, church, and small group outings). If Christians are gonna do that, they can never change the world, right? I feel that for the most part, that paints the picture of the conservative American Christian. Be safe, worry about doctrine and theology more than loving the people and serving the poor. We must be both. We must go to the hard places to do the hard things.

I texted the people who robbed us if they happened to reach Dru's phone.
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